


Throw Me Something, Mister

by BebopHeadshop



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Hubert is cranky, Light-Hearted, M/M, Mardi Gras
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-19 03:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22904188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BebopHeadshop/pseuds/BebopHeadshop
Summary: Hubert finds himself roped into riding in the Krewe of Enbarr's parade when two of their members drop out.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	Throw Me Something, Mister

**Author's Note:**

> Mardi Gras this year was kind of... cursed so I wanted to write something lighthearted for it. 
> 
> And a little info about Mardi Gras for those who might not be familiar: "krewes" are the social organizations that run parades, along with the other events associated with Mardi Gras. Many krewes have a unique throw (like purses, shoes, decorated coconuts, etc.) that incentivize you to go their specific parade for the chance to collect them.

When Ferdinand had asked Hubert if he wanted to spend Mardi Gras weekend with him in New Orleans, the last thing Hubert expected upon agreeing to the proposal was to find himself atop a parade float, the gaudy red and gold feather embellishments on his costume repeatedly being blown into his face by the blisteringly cold wind. Hubert shifted slightly on the bench as their float slowly followed the band before them. Their instruments blasted a raucous tune that was so unlike the smooth jazz that he typically preferred, and which he thought he’d indulge in during their stay. He’d imagined that they’d spend their Saturday night enjoying dinner on a balcony overlooking the French Quarter, listening to the soft sounds of a jazz band crooning from the floor below. Instead he found himself shivering while listening to the raucous cacophony of the high school band playing below him.

Ferdinand had somehow gotten last-minute tickets to the city during the rare weekend when they both happened to be free from any work-related duties. Hubert had immediately begun planning out a few must-see locations for their short, two-day stay as they packed. Ferdinand was surprisingly mum and acquiescent to each of his suggestions, but at the time Hubert merely figured that Ferdinand was deferring to him since Hubert _had_ lived in the city for some time with Edelgard.

It wasn’t until they finally arrived in New Orleans after their 6 hour flight and were greeted outside of baggage claim by Petra and Bernadetta, both wearing ostentatious red, black, and gold feathered costumes and drawing a crowd of tourists, that Hubert realized something was amiss. He cast a glance over his shoulder to his husband, one thin eyebrow slightly raised. To his credit, the redhead had the decency to look somewhat remorseful, a nervous twitch curling up the corners of his lips. 

Petra and Bernadetta had filled Hubert in while they drove to the parking lot where the floats were docked to be loaded for the parade, passing the luxurious hotel that Hubert had already made reservations for along the way. Apparently, Caspar’s father had fallen ill and he and Linhardt had to drop out of the parade in order to take care of him. Edelgard and Dorothea had spent the entire year beforehand planning for the event, and the last thing they wanted was for it to fall apart at the last minute. Hubert didn’t mind helping Edelgard, of course, but he did mind his husband thrusting him into this position so suddenly.

Abruptly, the “music” was broken up by wild screaming from the crowd below them. Hubert scanned the crowd for the source, searching for anything that could at least momentarily distract him from the cold.

A sneer escaped his lips as he found it, a young woman with her shirt hiked up who had just caught one of the limited giant eagle plushies that was a unique throw of their krewe. He looked up and saw Dorothea waving at the woman with Edelgard standing at her side, her white and red mask barely concealing the blush that was spreading across her face. At least they were enjoying this, he thought to himself, once again shifting on the bench and attempting to force the cold out of his joints.

He turned his attention back to the bags of beads, plastic cups, and random trinkets still packaged in the numerous bags before him. Ferdinand had forced them into this debacle at the last minute, leaving them no time to sort out the throws they had inherited from Caspar and Linhardt in time for the parade. Hubert had long decided that he wouldn’t be participating in this farce by throwing out gifts to rowdy, drunk tourists. But he still wanted to spend as much of the weekend as he could with Ferdinand, so they decided on an alternative; Hubert would unpack the throws and Ferdinand would come to collect the next round whenever he ran out. In addition, Ferdinand had given him another task, one whose purpose still evaded him.

“Still grumpy, I see.” Ferdinand appeared before Hubert, holding out a hot flask towards him. Hubert looked up from the bags below him. Despite how garish and gaudy Hubert found the costumes, he couldn’t deny that Ferdinand _somehow_ made it work; the gold, red, and black highlighted his copper hair, which was pulled back elegantly into a loose ponytail. Hubert found himself entranced watching it sway back in forth in the breeze, bouncing each time Ferdinand threw a gift to the undeserving masses below.

“Thanks,” Hubert replied as he took the flask. Ferdinand settled onto the bench next to him as Hubert removed the cover from the flask and sniffed its contents.

Ferdinand looked mortified. “What are you..?”

“Did you get this from the thermos Dorothea brought?”

“No… Bernadetta brought a huge thermos too.”

“That’s reassuring,” Hubert replied, screwing the lid back on and taking a sip. It was much sweeter than what he’d usually drink, but at least it was warm. “Dorothea spiked her thermos.”

“Are you serious?” Ferdinand exclaimed as he cast a concerned glance at Dorothea, who was reaching to grab some of their fancier throws, presumably for another scantily clad member of the crowd below them. “Doesn’t she realize how dangerous that is? What if she falls off the float?!”

“Oh, I meant with cinnamon, dear,” Hubert said, before taking another sip. “She wouldn’t foolishly chance anything that could ruin the event that Edelgard carefully planned. She would _never_ tarnish this weekend for her beloved.”

“I know that you’re upset, but I would appreciate it if you would refrain from teasing me,” Ferdinand replied, exasperation lacing every word. “Regardless, she’s definitely going to ruin the night if she keeps throwing all of our good stuff before we even get through half of our route...” Ferdinand rose up. He moved to return to his position by their two friends when he stopped suddenly.

Turning around, Ferdinand’s eyes roved over Hubert and the bags surrounding him. A brief flicker of amusement gleamed in his eyes as he spotted the few beads that Hubert had separated from the rest of the pile on the bench beside him.

“Despite your anger, I see that you’ve remembered the task I gave you,” he said as the corners of his lips curled up.

“I would prefer it if you had given me a _purpose_ for it too,” Hubert said, pinching one string of shiny black beads with an attached crimson crown charm between two fingers. He examined it briefly before adding it to the small collection of more intricately designed beads beside him.

Ferdinand chuckled before reaching down and grabbing some of the less ornate red and gold beads that Hubert had separated from the pile below him. He roped the bulk of them over his arm and placed another stack around his neck. Hubert leaned forward, freeing Ferdinand’s ponytail from the necklace of beads and running his hands through the long locks before smoothing them down Ferdinand’s back. He shuddered at the touch.

“It certainly is chilly tonight,” Ferdinand said as he stood back up, “Be mindful not to let your drink get cold.”

“Duly noted,” Hubert replied, the corner of one lip curling up. Ferdinand returned back to his position beside Dorothea, raising an accusatory finger at her as she threw another one of the limited plushies.

Hubert returned to his task, unpacking more beads. Each time he came upon a particularly striking bead, he placed it in the pile next to him. He’d initially assumed that Ferdinand just wanted to take a few souvenirs back home, but with the way he smirked each time he looked at the growing pile as he returned to retrieve more beads, he knew there was some ulterior motive to the task.

Eventually, he’d unpacked their final bag. Sighing, he carefully stood from the bench, stretching his limbs. With all the beads now free from their packaging, he carefully examined the small pile still on the bench. The beads with the red crown charm were now joined by a variety of shiny crimson and gold beads, each with different charms attached. Some had heavy, bulbous beads while others were smaller and jewel-like. Hubert figured the variety would be enough to satisfy Ferdinand, so he hung them over his arm and walked over to present them to him.

The float had come to a standstill a few moments beforehand while the dance team marching in front of the band put on a short performance for the crowd. Their small group atop the float was huddled on one side, glancing over the railing at something in the crowd. Petra was the first to notice Hubert as he slowly approached the group. She cast a furtive glance at him before tapping Ferdinand’s shoulder and pointing in his direction. 

Ferdinand’s head swiveled around to face him with impressive speed. He barreled over to Hubert, nearly falling face first after tripping over a bag of toy swords in the process.

“Ah, Hubert!” he said, his voice one octave too high, “I thought that you didn't want to participate..?”

“That’s not why I came over here,” Hubert replied before lifting his arm, the beads hanging there shining dazzlingly as they reflected the light from the float and street lamps. “I completed your task.”

Ferdinand beamed as he stared at the beads, his initial trepidation forgotten for a moment. “T-these are perfect!” 

Hubert removed the beads from his arm and placed them over Ferdinand’s shoulders. There weren’t many, but they were heavy enough to tug uncomfortably on Ferdinand’s ponytail. 

“Oh can you-” Ferdinand began as he turned around, gesturing at his ponytail caught under the beads.

“After I see what you all are _clearly_ trying to hide from me,” Hubert retorted as he walked away from Ferdinand and towards the rest of the group.

“Hubert, wait just one- OUCH!” Ferdinand exclaimed. He had turned to chase after Hubert, attempting to free his ponytail at the same time. But in his haste to pull his ponytail free, a few locks snagged on the beads.

“I’ll help you in a second, dear,” Hubert said as he neared the group. This time Bernadetta noticed him first. She wrung her hands together.

“P-please don’t get m-mad Hubert!” She exclaimed, shrinking away from the group.

“Yeah Hubie, this is supposed to be a fun event...” Dorothea mumbled, placing a hand on one of his shoulders.

He brushed off her hand and continued forward until he reached the railing. There, next to the stalled float, he could see that a crowd had gathered around a dancing man. His wild gesticulations seemed to even overshadow the dancers in the parade as the crowd cheered him on as he gyrated to the band. As he continued dancing, Hubert scanned the crowd and sure enough, farther back from the street, he spotted a man with long green hair sitting in a folding chair.

Bernadetta gulped. Petra hid her face in her palm.

Edelgard reached to grab him. “Hubert…”

He simply raised his hand, casting a cool glance towards her. She nodded and slowly returned her hand back to her side.

Hubert carefully lifted the long ends of his costume, the bells attached to it jingling as he began rummaging in his pocket. He eventually removed his phone and slowly began dialing a number.

“Hubert, please...” Ferdinand began as he rejoined the group, finally untangling his hair from the beads. “There is probably a good reason-”

One raised finger was all it took to quiet Ferdinand. He sunk back towards Bernadetta, who immediately latched onto him.

With a quick tap Hubert put the phone on speaker. The sound of the band seemingly faded into the distance as the group listened to each ring.

After a few seconds, the person on the other end picked up. 

“Hello..?” They heard a sleepy voice answer, the words slightly muddled by the sound of the crowd around him.

“Tell Caspar that he has 30 seconds.” Hubert replied before hanging up.

He returned the phone to his pocket and then immediately sauntered back off to where he had been sitting for most of the night. The group exchanged confused glances until Hubert returned mere moments later, his neck and arms covered in beads.

Edelgard caught on first. “I don’t think this is wise, Hubert,” she said as he made his way back to the side of the float. From their position they could see Linhardt struggling to get Caspar’s attention as he continued to dance.

“I’ve just decided that I want to participate in the festivities,” Hubert replied as he removed a bundle of beads from his arm. The group watched Hubert ball the entire stack in his hand.

“Well… if I’m not mistaken, you are supposed to throw a single bead at a time,” Petra replied.

“I’m aware,” Hubert stated, right before sending the clump of beads hurtling towards Caspar. 

The crimson and golden beads gleamed in the night sky like a ball of flame as they shot towards Caspar, striking him in the center of his back. The crowd gasped as he stumbled forward, barely managing to stay on his feet as Linhardt emerged from the crowd to catch him. 

Caspar slowly recovered and turned around. He looked up at the float to see Hubert standing there, wrenching his arm back to throw another bundle of beads. Before they were loosed, Ferdinand grabbed Hubert’s arm as the others pulled him back from the edge of the float. They kept him restrained for some time until the dancers before them finished their performance and continued their march, the float lurching forward once again to follow after them.

…

It was nearly one in the morning by the time Hubert and Ferdinand finally made their way to their hotel. On her way to drop them off, Edelgard had called Linhardt for an explanation as to why he and Caspar had lied about quitting last minute. Even without the phone on speaker, the group could hear an exasperated Linhardt struggling to keep the phone away from Caspar. Eventually he lost the struggle, as a clearly inebriated Caspar began yelling from the other line.

“H-Hubert is always so busy and never hangs out with ush anymore! We did what we had to do and got em down here, right?!” There were more sounds of a struggle from the other end before they heard a slightly muted “And tell em ’thanks for the beads’!” before the call suddenly dropped.

“Well, at least his heart was in the right place,” Ferdinand said as he reminisced on the exchange thirty minutes later. He had just emerged from their suite’s bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. 

“I’m guessing you were aware of this entire plot too?”

“Not at all… I was only told that Edelgard needed some assistance, so I thought we could help.”

“She shouldn’t have been inconvenienced by those two idiots in the first place,” Hubert replied. Despite his clear annoyance, his words lacked their usual venom. “And I don’t think I’ll ever get this chill out of my joints.”

Ferdinand chuckled as he walked up behind him and placed his hands on his shoulders. “You can take a hot shower and _try_ ,” he replied, coaxing Hubert to his feet. “You really chose a spectacular hotel; the bathroom is absolutely lovely.”

Hubert rolled his eyes as he slowly walked towards the bathroom, passing their discarded costumes on the dresser, the bundle of beads resting on top of them.

“Try not to be too long though!” Hubert heard Ferdinand yell from beyond the closed door. “I still have one more surprise left for you!”

“Oh, joy...” he muttered under his breath before turning on the water.

…

Hubert deliberately spent a much longer time in the shower than usual. Initially it was just to vex Ferdinand, but as the hot water eased some of the tension out of his joints, he found himself staying longer out of pure necessity. When he’d finally stepped out of the shower, his pale skin was tinged pink from the hot water. He leisurely dried off and tied a towel around his waist, brushing his teeth before finally opening the door and leaving the bathroom. 

The steam emerged with him, obscuring his vision for just a moment before it dissipated in the cooler air. He searched the room, expecting to find an irritated Ferdinand pacing as he waited for Hubert. Instead, his eyes caught sight of the candles and rose petals lining the floor, creating a trail that Hubert’s eyes followed from the bathroom door, towards the dressers, and finally to the bed.

There, lounging on the golden sheets, was Ferdinand, wearing nothing but the beads around his neck.


End file.
